harvesting

It must be Harvest time. 

Pickles, relish, pasta sauce and pesto to freeze, apple pie, bottled fruit and herbs drying on the rack.

Produce from our garden, and fruit from friends, our neighbours and the Plenty to Share stall across the road from the local store. 

It's easy to give thanks right now - the table is abundant, the cupboards full and the warm weather is still holding. 

And yet, even in the fullness of the Harvest, there seems to be the onset of decay - the first leaves turning, the bean vines drying, the flowers spent on the compost piles.

The ever-present paradox of this sweet life.

Right now, I'm feeling full of all this goodness and am hoping this gratefulness can hold me through the darkest times of the winter to come because she sure is coming.

an ordinary weekend

A weekend in the garden with a bit of beach, community music and friendship tossed in for balance.

Working in the garden is like spending time in my place of worship. My hands dig in and I notice the beauty of the world evolving at my fingertips; budding, blooming and in decay.

Always returning: nothing wasted, everything purposeful. 

As with all years the harvest is a bit of a mixed bag but mostly I'm ok with that. 

My practice is 1 hour a day in the garden, usually early morning: that's what I can give it for now, 1 hour a day.

With spurts of more and lulls of less through the seasons. 

The girls also help a bit with growing the food they eat.

With that, from the garden we are eating potatoes, beans, cucumbers, tomatoes, corn, cabbage, mesculin, herbs, carrots, zucchini, lettuce and basil right now. We've had our first homegrown apples since we moved here and have a few strawberries still holding out. 

This year's garlic harvest will get us through the year well. Tick. Garlic is essential don't you think?

Once again our beetroot is ridiculously meager, the peppers were a downright failure, our potato harvest is average and my new tomato staking plan never really got off the ground which has left many of my tomatoes plants languishing on the ground.

Oh and did I mention the kale. Loads of kale. Always the humble kale. A staple here all year round. 

After a few weekends away Summering it up with friends, it was just the right medicine to be at home in the garden clearing, maintaining and harvesting.

Reconnecting.

the wee birthday girl

Charlotte had her 2nd birthday today and we celebrated with cake and plenty of time for her to play with friends.

Ruby has been preparing for it over the last few days and although I wasn't really in the mood and I could have chosen to do a hundred other things I let go and celebrated Charlotte's birthday too.  

There may not be many more.

Ruby tells me she notices that her friends play less than they used to: they seem to play less and want to talk more she says. 

She's halfway through nine so I guess it's to be expected. 

Nevertheless there is sadness for Ruby in growing up and the prospect of losing this safe, innocent imaginary world which has been her constant companion throughout her childhood.

We reassure her that she will never lose this world, just as we never lose our childhood. 

We tell her that her imaginary play will enrich her entire adulthood.

We tell her that her relationship with Charlotte will always comfort her, where ever it is she goes in her life. 

We tell her this and yet we also know that as she spirals out and grows, slowly other interests will push her imaginary world to the periphery.

We know all of this and so continue to take seriously the role that Charlotte has in our life.

We know this and happily continue to place play at the centre of our lives.

Happy Birthday sweet Charlotte.

camp & camping

We are back home from a long weekend at the Inaugural South Island Life Learners Camp, the seed of which was gingerly planted back at the Open Space hui last July.
Whaa! We made it happen and it was good.

It was a weekend full of evening skipping, early morning yoga, giggley slide sessions, rhythmic candle dipping, papercraft marathons and unexpected magic at the Blackboard concert;  happy children and many happy parents relaxing into the encouragement and support of others.

The weekend was a co-creation of all who came to camp which means no-one had to shoulder the responsibility of the "success" of the event. Instead as the seed sowers, we might set the intention, set up a space and time and do a little prep. After that all that is left is "holding" the energy. Now I know that "holding the energy" might sound a little on the edge of Fairyland for some of you, but really it's  just gentle facilitation; checking-in with others on how things are, supporting people to step up (or step back), gently moving things forward and generally helping cultivate a culture of love, tolerance and curiosity.
Co-creation reminds us that nothing is really about "me" but that it's all about "us" and really, what better news is there?

With no rush to be home, the girls and I anchored the trip at either end with an overnight stay at a riverside DOC camping ground, collectively breathing in the natural rhythm of outside living, the gentle quiet of the stream and the golden hills of late Summer.

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More and more this Summer I have left the camera behind, leaving this space with fewer photos.  Although a camera can be a tool which brings people closer to their environment and the moment in which they find themselves, recently I have found it more and more a distraction for me and the girls . I became uneasy with the growing tension between being present with what is, and my desire to reach for the camera and try to capture (hold) the moment. And so more and more I have just chosen to leave it behind. I know, not great for a blog but a reflection of some of the things we are working with over here in real time;) 

digging into the life right at my feet.

I finally find myself back in front of the screen.

The rest of the family, as well as a couple of taggers-on (is that even a word :), have just leapt into the car heading to the wharf 5 minutes down the road, boogie boards in the back.  

I have missed writing here but truly life has been just been full with Summertime goodness this last 6 weeks.

Summer has turned out to be just the good medicine that we were all seeking.

After the desolation of my mother's death, then the flurry that is December with gift-making and Christmas with my step-father, we pushed against our habit of seeking new lands and instead wanted to sink into our own backyard and the beaches just beyond. I wanted to dig in to my own life, wake up to the wonder of each day and experience what "the lazy days of Summer" might feel like if I could just let each day unfold in front of me. 

Waking up to my own life is what I am on about this Summer and for inspiration listen to this podcast with Jon Kabat-Zinn. This is a radio show that I regularly tune in to, often while cooking; it stretches my thinking in new ways and inspires insight. Thanks Renee at FIMBY where I originally found the link.

And so for six weeks now, we have stayed put and have welcomed a steady stream of friends and family into our home.  With such superb weather and mostly outside living, our little bach has managed to hold all this fullness with grace. Tenting on the lawn, swingball down the driveway, grooming and exercising the horses, carving in the carport, trapezing and trampolining and a whole lot of fellowship.
Fellowship (an old word that I am newly playing with) is something I seek where ever I go. It's fundamental to how we want to live as a family and how we want to grow our children;  to grow in community, rich in loving friendship and possibility.
And here it was, right at our doorstep, all Summer long.
The cornerstone of each day though has been our trips to the water; mostly to the wharf, sometimes to a  beach. Sometimes a 5 minute dip and other times most of the day, with rock pools, kayaking, high jumping and general sand and water fun.
These daily swims is what I think I will remember most about this Summer.

So here I am back on the blog, somewhere that I do want to be, encouraging families to design the life they dream of living and figuring out how to do it, supporting them to slow down and honor their time with their children and shining some light on growing self-directed learners so that others may grow in confident and claim learning back into the heart of their family and our communities.
This is my passion and the work I attempt to live and I do love to share it, in fellowship.

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a day on the water

 * Thank goodness for friends who go to school and who don't mind taking a day off now and again to live a little ;)

* Thank goodness said friends have raft + gear + a papa who has raft guided more recently than 23 years ago. That is how long it has been for me : \ .

* Thank goodness for a warm, still, overcast day. Perfect rafting weather.

* Thank goodness I squeezed into my wetsuit, there certainly was quite a bit of doubt.

* Thank goodness for our family decision to say "yes" to interesting offers and/or new experiences no matter what else was planned or how long the "to do" list.

In my early adult years I spent a lot of time on the water, mostly in a kayak, sometimes in rafts.
These were very happy years, full of nature and friends and adventure on many levels.
I loved being back on the water today.
The splash of cool, freshwater on my face, the pull of the current, the slap of the waves.
The squeals and smiles on the girls faces were the bonuses.

We have arrived home and the girls have crashed.

I am about to join them.

coming up for air.

Last week was unexpectedly difficult.

This week feels different but, boy, last week I dragged myself through the days. 

Mostly people wouldn't have noticed. 

Generally I am one of those read-me-like-a-book people. You could say, an easy reader ;), but last week I was working hard at keeping moving, focusing on the small and good to get me through the days.

Mum was right near the surface. Reflecting on my mum's life put aspects of my own life into sharp focus especially those habits and patterns that I have inherited.

This was a little painful and sad.

Struggle seemed to me to be a companion throughout my mum's life - emotionally, financially and physically.

When I was growing up just getting through her days, bringing up five girls, going to work and keeping a home was a daily struggle. 

I watched this and then as a young adult I made up my mind I didn't want a bar of my mother's life :( 

Last week I regretted this. 

I regretted feeling I had to fight so hard for my own identity. 

I regretted that I never wanted children earlier. 

Regretted having moved around so much .... yada,yada, yada. 

You get the picture.

I regretted this all because, you see, from where I am now much of my life reflects the priorities and values in my mum's life. 

All that moving and learning and careering and processing and searching and wanting something different and here I am, right where my mother was, in the heart of my family.

And I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Sure the details are certainly different but so many of the fundamental values and priorities remain the same. 

In my early 20's I didn't see this coming. Not at all.

Who knew that I would have to travel so far to end up back at the feet of my mother. 

So why am I writing about this now?
Well, partly to be authentic (as in the subtitle of my blog) here in on this blog without wanting to share it all.
I'd be happy to share all over a cuppa but in such a public place I'll keep it to the bare bones;)
I'm also writing about it now because this week I still feel I'm just coming up for air.
Do you ever feel like that?

This week all I have tried to do each day is love my girls well. 

That's it.

To hear them. To notice what they engaged with. To be present.

I also wanted to notice my reactions, my impatience and my expectations. Notice them and do my best to let them go.

Last week got a bit messy - we had our share of grumpiness, ranting about the housework and some yelling. It wasn't getting us anywhere we want to be going,

So this week I pulled my focus in small and tight. 

It's all I could manage and was the most important thing I could think of to do.

When things get messy tend to the relationships.
Love the girls well.

The garden grounded us, walks connected us, read-alouds slowed us down and cuddles filled us up.

Joy feels like she's returning, we are welcoming her arrival.

saturday afternoon

 

Photos by Ruby

On Saturday afternoon Ruby documented picking up the new-to-us water tank and stand. 

She thought this would be a worthwhile contribution to family weekend tasks :-) 

So now we have a 1000 litre water tank planned for rainwater harvesting to be used to fill the washing machine. And yes, it has been pouring with rain all day and the tank lies stranded half way up the driveway - things go a step at a time here, especially our DIY water harvesting system.
We also have a tank stand which invites many, many possibilities. The dreaming and drawing has begun but right now it's looking more like the army has arrived in our little town and set up a checkpoint at our gate.
And then there's Ruby's documentation - 60-odd photos worth of documentation. Story line, before and afters, close-ups, quirky compositions and quirkier subject matter.
The girl knows how to have fun and although I can't remember her having penned a story yet, she certainly knows how to tell one.

settling into habit

Gunt and I have begun our morning yoga practice once again. 

Oh yes, hear a long sigh of having arrived. There has been a distinct ebb and flow to our practice over the last eight years. Mostly ebbing (and yes you would be right to calculate Ruby as being 8).

We both know that for us yoga practice is the key to feeling more alive in mind and body and we think it's a fairly necessary maintenance program now that we are comfortably in our forties.
I'm loving the very early morning starts - time to light the fire, take a peak at the stars, wash my face. Setting aside a generous amount of time has moved it from something I squeeze in between other morning tasks to being a valuable and rewarding part of my day deserving of a chunk of time all of it's own.

When I set aside a generous amount of time, I really begin to make progress on where I'm wanting to go.
I know, not rocket science.

So this has all got me thinking about the relationship between freedom and discipline. You could also try out the words freedom and structure or freedom and habit.
Often these ideas seem to be thrown into opposition. In some circles structure and habit may be perceived as suffocating to the creative spirit. Not here.

These qualities give form to the day and supports us to show up to work we want to be doing.
For me that may be getting to the yoga mat or writing a blog post, wrestling with finishing a sewing project (yes, wrestling is the perfect word) or planting seeds for the garden.
I see it the same way with the girls - the time that we gather together in the day means that we have dedicated this time to get to work on things they really want to get their teeth into.

At first we needed to persevere with committing to this time together, but now as we sink into this habit we reap the rewards of simply putting aside the time.

Lori from  Project-Based Homeschooling recently posted a quote about "protected time"(always check her comments for more conversation on the topic).
I really like this concept of protecting time.

Patricia from  Wonderfarm also wrote about "habit" a while back in her post "How we homeschool - good food for thought.

And Miranda from nurturedbylove wrote about unschooling and music practice a few years back which covers similar themes.

Well, yes, that little list is like a inventory of favourites. I acknowledge those writers who have gone before me and who have influenced my own thinking - how I appreciate my on-line community of thinkers.

So, what makes all the difference for us? I mean what makes this any different from the traditional ideas around structure and discipline and children.

The difference is this structure and discipline is not imposed from the outside, rather it is self designed. 

We co-create the structure, we negotiate if it needs changing and the self-discipline grows from reaping the rewards.
None of it is compulsory.
There are no extrinsic rewards or punishments.
There is quite simply learning about self-management and doing the work we love.

Indeed, we are all on this continuum. 

Here it is given time to grow, organically and with subtlety; patience grows with us and experience beds in the habit.

Importantly, alongside this "protected time" are great expanses of free time (a "protected time" also). Time for integrating, dreaming, synthesizing, rehearsing ideas or perhaps to be bored.
Flowing with whatever your heart desires.
Sometimes,  this might just be silence.

seeking solitude

I decided to come home a couple of days early on our recent trip away. In this season of my life, two days alone with long stretches of quiet is what I yearn for now and again. 

It doesn't happen often. I cherish it when it does. 

I walked through my daily tasks; simple meals, mostly salads (appreciating the lack of dishes salads produce), washing, stretching, tidying after myself - the pace of my days was deeply nourishing.

The mornings were frosty but by midday the sun was high enough to reach the garden and I was ready to venture outside.
I spent drifts of sweet uninterrupted time in the garden - such rewarding and deeply satisfying work.
Spreading compost and weeding, clearing ground and shifting dirt, all the time happily surprised at the abundance of life in the garden in the midst of winter. This discovery of life led to creating the terrerium a few days later with the girls.
Later in the day I let the chickens out of their run for an hour or two - an experiment I wanted to try considering the barren state of their run at this time of year. They enjoyed the freedom, the foraging and the dry dusty earth under the pittosporums.
I enjoyed their companionship.

In those couple of days I also did some geeking out on mathematics. That's the truth of it - this is how I chose to spend my time. I have been seeking a deeper understanding of the language of maths for a while now and exploring new ways to engage with it. I have written about this before here. I'm enjoying my discoveries and realise it is another one of those topics that is a post in itself.  For now though, let me just point you to the inspiring TED talk below to whet your appetite. Who would have thought crocheting held part of the solution to a deep mathematical mystery - not me nor my grandma that's for sure.

winter

A study into life in the depth of winter.
A study in death.
A study in bones.

A study in friendship and firelighting sans matches.

Furthering our study into crystals, and beauty and turangawaewae.

A study in the importance of ritual (and in courage!)

Where have we been for the last couple of weeks?

Studying how to live well in the midst of Winter.

Share, if you wish, what you have been studying. Of course, "studying" in the broadest sense of the word. We'd love to hear.

sharing stories together

I wasn't read to as a child, there just didn't seem to be time. Bringing up five girls alone, meeting the demands of paid work, keeping abreast of the domestic work and all the in-betweens meant that reading to the girls just didn't get onto the list for my mum.
Nevertheless, somewhere along the way I fell in love with the power of story. I'm grateful. I can't imagine a better life than one immersed in stories.
I read to the girls usually twice a day, sometimes more. Bedtime stories are as close to an institution as we get around here. All these stories bring us together day in and day out, growing the inner world of our family.

And so we read but we all listen sometimes too and recently, some of our favourite moments have been while lost in a story together.
Audiobooks allow for this.
We love audiobooks; we drive with them, we rest with them and we sometimes get to share them with Gunter in the weekend or the evening. Actually we have one on the brink of being overdue at the library right now that we can't bring ourselves to return until Gunter has heard it too.
We choose by author, sometimes by narrator because as we all know, the right narrator can really bring a story alive.
Bill Wallis and The Tumtum and Nutmeg stories is a case in mind (available in the local library). I'm sure these are not stories we would have chosen to read (there are quite a few pretty naf mousey adventures out there) but after hearing Wallis' voice and style we were enthralled and surprisingly taken by these sweet adventure stories.
Ruby has done most of The Secret Seven and The Famous Five all by audiobook. Her apetite for these stories is greater than her current reading speed. This is where audiobooks have stepped into the breach.
And then there is our all time unbeatable favourite, Michael Morpurgo. We are devoted fans and it doesn't matter whether you are 7 or 70,  I think you will love these stories too.
In fact last week we went visiting new friends and had been listening to Morpurgo's "Farmer Boy" on the way in the car. It was a fairly long drive and so we had managed to go deep into the story. By the time we arrived at the doorstep, Sky's and my eyes were red with empathy for the main character. I explained fairly quickly that, no, it hadn't been a bad morning, just a captivating audiobook.
I hope she understood.
Stories do that at times.