my dear mum

I have been away from this space for a while - I don't have much to say right now. 

On the first morning of our holiday I was called and told my dear mum was in ICU with heart failure.

This was totally unexpected.

Her five daughters all flew to be with her. I made it and spent the last 4 precious hours with her. 

She died that afternoon. 

We are back home now and the girls and I are learning to weave her loss and her life into our days.

We are deeply grateful for the freedom that our lifestyle affords us; to deeply honour this time, to feel the fullness of grief and to embrace life with renewed tenderness.

I will return to post here as I can.

Parts of a blessing resonating with me right now from "Bless The Space Between Us" by John O'Donohue.

For Grief

When you lose someone you love,

Your life becomes strange,

The ground beneath you gets fragile,

Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;

and some dead echo drags your voice down

Where words have no confidence.

Your heart has grown heavy with loss;

And though this loss has wounded others too,

No one knows what has been taken from you

When the silence of absence deepens.

......

There are days when you wake up happy;

Again in the fullness of life,

Until the moment breaks 

And you are thrown back

On the black tide of loss.

......

Gradually, you will learn acquantance 

With the invisible form of your departed;

And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned 
To wean your eyes
From the gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your (heart) where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.