tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18601236917137020142024-03-13T17:47:11.051-07:00watching kereruJacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.comBlogger247125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-4354861283311047492013-03-10T21:14:00.000-07:002013-03-10T21:14:09.780-07:00harvesting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It must be Harvest time. </div>
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Pickles, relish, pasta sauce and <a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2011/01/back-home-garden.html">pesto to freeze</a>, apple pie, bottled fruit and herbs drying on the rack.</div>
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Produce from our garden, and fruit from friends, our neighbours and the <a href="http://www.lyttelton.net.nz/component/content/article/3-newsflash/272-plenty-to-share">Plenty to Share</a> stall across the road from the local store. </div>
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It's easy to give thanks right now - the table is abundant, the cupboards full and the warm weather is still holding. </div>
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And yet, even in the fullness of the Harvest, there seems to be the onset of decay - the first leaves turning, the bean vines drying, the flowers spent on the compost piles.</div>
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The ever-present paradox of this sweet life.</div>
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Right now, I'm feeling full of all this goodness and am hoping this gratefulness can hold me through the darkest times of the winter to come because she sure is coming.</div>
Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-89880314326870245612013-03-02T19:50:00.000-08:002013-03-04T00:38:26.211-08:00structure in a child-led learning environment.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After a Summer with a full house (and lawn) of visitors, Gunter at home and a few trips away in the last month, the girls and I are craving for a bit of peace with our weekly rhythm and looking forward to sinking into the steadiness of the framework of our home days.</div>
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People often assume that because we cultivate a child-led path of learning that our days are unstructured. <br />
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'Structure' can be a bit of a loaded word, especially for those of us who identify themselves as being on the unschooling spectrum. People pull away from using it, assuming that it implies rigidity and is imposed from the top down. But structure in and of itself is not the baddy in the room. . For us who have chosen such a path of freedom, we may be afraid that a schedule may morph into mimicing or imposing on our days that which we have freed ourselves from: the stifling routine of school. <br />
We forget that a structure can be designed, custom-made for us and in this way, serve our needs and desires.<br />
Talk to your children, trust their lead and in doing so prevent rigidity. Watch and listen and then befriend some rhythm to your days if you or your children are craving some.<br />
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<b>In a child-led learning environment the issue is not the existence of a structure but rather who designs it. </b><br />
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Our framework is one we have co-created and flexes easily with the natural ebbs and flows of our full life. As well as it serving our individual needs (and not the other way around) it also serves the needs of the family as a whole: it supports our happiness and contentment and it supports us in our various learning pursuits.<br />
It also punctuates our days with times to come together and times to move out by ourselves: times to rest and times to be busy.<br />
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Breath in.<br />
Breath out.<br />
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We have always had a rhythm to ours days but over the last couple of years we<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> have moved away from days brimming full of imaginary play, spontaneous art expression and stories, and moved deeper into intentional time to work on other </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">self-chosen "projects." </span>I have written a little about this<a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/07/settling-into-habit.html"> here</a><a href="hhttp://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/07/settling-into-habit.html">.</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This shift has paralleled their transition from young childhood into middle childhood.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For now, Ruby has decided that she wants a firmer schedule for herself. She has been asking for me for a while to wake her at 7am. I have been slow on the buy in as I treasure the early mornings for myself and for my quiet coffee with Gunter before he leaves for work. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Then she has set herself 9am to get started on some more "formalised" learning that she wants to make progress on so that she then still has enough time in the day for lots of free play, her many other interests, friends and outings.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Progress on some more formalised learning? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When exactly did Ruby become so goal-orientated?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My role in our partnership will be the same as it always has been: to support her ideas, remind her of what she had wanted to do, offer new directions, find resources, observe and help trouble-shoot. My role also includes being clear about what my needs are and making time to get those needs met. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;">You can read about how I help co-create pathways</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/07/to-emerge.html">here</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"> and</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/07/new-directions.html">here</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;">.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And so we will begin tomorrow: we look forward to it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Our rhythm will keep evolving, a schedule may come and go. Sky will continue much as she has done, Ruby has a chance to try out some of her new ideas and I will find time to write during the day.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It seems that the dreamy early years are over :) </span></div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-83446838941325955712013-02-24T18:39:00.000-08:002013-02-24T19:41:24.072-08:00an ordinary weekend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A weekend in the garden with a bit of beach, community music and friendship tossed in for balance.</div>
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Working in the garden is like spending time in my place of worship. My hands dig in and I notice the beauty of the world evolving at my fingertips; budding, blooming and in decay.</div>
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Always returning: nothing wasted, everything purposeful. </div>
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As with all years the harvest is a bit of a mixed bag but mostly I'm ok with that. </div>
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My practice is 1 hour a day in the garden, usually early morning: that's what I can give it for now, 1 hour a day.</div>
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With spurts of more and lulls of less through the seasons. </div>
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The girls also help a bit with growing the food they eat.</div>
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With that, from the garden we are eating potatoes, beans, cucumbers, tomatoes, corn, cabbage, mesculin, herbs, carrots, zucchini, lettuce and basil right now. We've had our first homegrown apples since we moved here and have a few strawberries still holding out. </div>
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This year's garlic harvest will get us through the year well. Tick. Garlic is essential don't you think?</div>
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Once again our beetroot is ridiculously meager, the peppers were a downright failure, our potato harvest is average and my new tomato <a href="http://www.foogod.com/~torquill/barefoot/weave.html">staking plan</a> never really got off the ground which has left many of my tomatoes plants languishing <i>on</i> the ground.</div>
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Oh and did I mention the kale. Loads of kale. Always the humble kale. A staple here all year round. </div>
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After a few weekends away Summering it up with friends, it was just the right medicine to be at home in the garden clearing, maintaining and harvesting.</div>
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Reconnecting.</div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-72825999717012922932013-02-22T02:14:00.000-08:002013-02-22T02:14:16.518-08:00the wee birthday girl<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2011/07/our-dear-charlotte.html">Charlotte</a> had her 2nd birthday today and we celebrated with cake and plenty of time for her to play with friends.</div>
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Ruby has been preparing for it over the last few days and although I wasn't really in the mood and I could have chosen to do a hundred other things I let go and celebrated Charlotte's birthday too. </div>
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There may not be many more.</div>
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Ruby tells me she notices that her friends play less than they used to: they seem to play less and want to talk more she says. </div>
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She's halfway through nine so I guess it's to be expected. </div>
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Nevertheless there is sadness for Ruby in growing up and the prospect of losing this safe, innocent imaginary world which has been her constant companion throughout her childhood.</div>
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We reassure her that she will never lose this world, just as we never lose our childhood. </div>
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We tell her that her imaginary play will enrich her entire adulthood.</div>
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We tell her that her relationship with Charlotte will always comfort her, where ever it is she goes in her life. </div>
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We tell her this and yet we also know that as she spirals out and grows, slowly other interests will push her imaginary world to the periphery.</div>
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We know all of this and so continue to take seriously the role that Charlotte has in our life.</div>
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We know this and happily continue to place play at the centre of our lives.</div>
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Happy Birthday sweet Charlotte.</div>
Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-91839788233830514812013-02-20T18:45:00.000-08:002013-02-20T21:12:36.768-08:00camp & camping<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We are back home from a long weekend at the Inaugural <a href="http://www.liveandlearn.co.nz/">South Island Life Learners Camp</a>, the seed of which was gingerly planted back at the <a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/08/small-actions-big-ideas.html">Open Space hui</a> last July.<br />
Whaa! We made it happen and it was good.<br />
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It was a weekend full of evening skipping, early morning yoga, giggley slide sessions, rhythmic candle dipping, papercraft marathons and unexpected magic at the Blackboard concert; happy children and many happy parents relaxing into the encouragement and support of others.<br />
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The weekend was a co-creation of all who came to camp which means no-one had to shoulder the responsibility of the "success" of the event. Instead as the seed sowers, we might set the intention, set up a space and time and do a little prep. After that all that is left is "holding" the energy. Now I know that "holding the energy" might sound a little on the edge of Fairyland for some of you, but really it's just gentle facilitation; checking-in with others on how things are, supporting people to step up (or step back), gently moving things forward and generally helping cultivate a culture of love, tolerance and curiosity.<br />
Co-creation reminds us that nothing is really about "me" but that it's all about "us" and really, what better news is there?</div>
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With no rush to be home, the girls and I anchored the trip at either end with an overnight stay at a riverside <a href="http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/places-to-stay/conservation-campsites-by-region/canterbury/">DOC camping ground</a>, collectively breathing in the natural rhythm of outside living, the gentle quiet of the stream and the golden hills of late Summer.</div>
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More and more this Summer I have left the camera behind, leaving this space with fewer photos. Although a camera can be a tool which brings people closer to their environment and the moment in which they find themselves, recently I have found it more and more a distraction for me and the girls . I became uneasy with the growing tension between being present with what is, and my desire to reach for the camera and try to capture (hold) the moment. And so more and more I have just chosen to leave it behind. I know, not great for a blog but a reflection of some of the things we are working with over here in real time;) </div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-39790345527640197442013-02-12T02:55:00.004-08:002013-02-12T10:26:16.399-08:00home, finally.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Who would have thought that this humble little bach that we call home could ever hold such contentment and joy for me as it does now.</div>
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Certainly not me.</div>
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The weekend we moved in here, all I remember is crying.</div>
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The state of the building and the size of the place meant that the Real Estate Agent assumed we would demolish this little bach and build something new.</div>
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What he didn't realise was that we were beaten down from 2 years of spending a large portion of our income and too much emotional energy on a section we had bought in the area; a section that we originally thought would save us money rather than cost us more than we could ever have imagined.</div>
When we had bought the section we were optimistic; we were on a single income, we were good at living on the smell of an oily rag and we were comfortable with building a very simple abode. Naievely we couldn't imagine that a floor, four walls and a roof would cost that much. <br />
The section we had bought was steep, we knew that might be tricky but that too we thought we would find ways of managing.<br />
Again, we were optimistic and had no reason not to be - things had always worked out for us in the past.<br />
Ahem! And that's when the story changed direction :)<br />
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Quickly our naieve optimism bowed to the demands of reality; the reality of a single income carrying weekly mortgage and hefty rental payments.<br />
This is where the story's appeal declines rapidly:)<br />
To cut a long (3 years) and tedious story short, we eventually discovered that we couldn't even pitch a tent on site to live in without building a retaining wall and by then we had no money or energy.<br />
We put it on the market.<br />
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So what the Real Estate Agent didn't realise when he assumed we were a lovely middle-class family with plans for a build, was that there was no money for anything other than the necessities. </div>
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What he didn't realise was that this little rundown bach was all our family could manage (at a stretch) and we needed it badly so as to gather together again, regain our strength and restore some harmony. We were in dire need of nurturing something that would grow and we hoped it would nurture us in return.</div>
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The weather was shocking the Summer we moved; so cold that during that first weekend we lit the fire. The house was cold, the walls and carpet were grey and I cried. </div>
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I cried in fear for my severly stretched relationship with my dear partner Gunter.</div>
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I cried for the close friends I had left and the lose of the close community we had been immersed in.</div>
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I cried with worry for my children who had to bare the brunt of such a testing time.</div>
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I cried in fear of having to give up on our vision for giving our girls a childhood free of school so as I could help pay the bills.</div>
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I cried because at 40 I had just bought a bach, nowhere near as sound as the first house I had scrimped around and wiggled my way into at 24 years of age.</div>
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A Pity Party was the order of the day.</div>
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It has been one of those seasons of life when you wonder how on earth you ended up in this place without a soul to blame and seemingly without solution.<br />
It's certainly been a long road to fully accept that life plays out differently than what we might have planned.<br />
And yet there you are.<br />
<b>It seems that being fully present in whatever place you find yourself is really the only solution there is. </b><br />
It certainly is the only place where my life is taking place and that is where I want to be even with the grief and discomfort.<br />
Very little has changed in reality - the section is still on the market, we still have little for extras - <b>and yet everything has changed because finally the story in my head has changed.</b><br />
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This bach has been the bearer of so many unexpected gifts, the biggest being that it's size and simplicity reminds us to live humbly.<br />
Cultivating humility undercuts this culture which screams "me, me, me" endlessly and ultimately frees us from keeping up with the race.<br />
Living with little reminds us to be grateful for the many things that really matter in our lives - our family, our friendships, our freedom, our health.<br />
And slowly we rebuild our internal compass, we let go of comparisons and expectations (my on and others), and we continue to wake up to our very own lives before us and the beauty they behold.<br />
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-26339221444678208732013-02-09T00:53:00.000-08:002013-02-09T01:10:26.252-08:00digging into the life right at my feet.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I finally find myself back in front of the screen.</div>
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The rest of the family, as well as a couple of taggers-on (is that even a word :), have just leapt into the car heading to the wharf 5 minutes down the road, boogie boards in the back. </div>
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I have missed writing here but truly life has been just been full with Summertime goodness this last 6 weeks.</div>
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Summer has turned out to be just the good medicine that we were all seeking.</div>
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After the desolation of my mother's death, then the flurry that is December with gift-making and Christmas with my step-father, we pushed against our habit of seeking new lands and instead wanted to sink into our own backyard and the beaches just beyond. I wanted to dig in to my own life, wake up to the wonder of each day and experience what "the lazy days of Summer" might feel like if I could just let each day unfold in front of me. </div>
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Waking up to my own life is what I am on about this Summer and for inspiration listen to <a href="http://www.onbeing.org/program/opening-our-lives/138">this podcast</a> with Jon Kabat-Zinn. This is a radio show that I regularly tune in to, often while cooking; it stretches my thinking in new ways and inspires insight. Thanks Renee at <a href="http://fimby.tougas.net/">FIMBY</a> where I originally found the link.</div>
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And so for six weeks now, we have stayed put and have welcomed a steady stream of friends and family into our home. With such superb weather and mostly outside living, our little bach has managed to hold all this fullness with grace. Tenting on the lawn, swingball down the driveway, grooming and exercising <a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/03/late-summer.html">the horses</a>, carving in the carport, trapezing and trampolining and a whole lot of fellowship.<br />
Fellowship (an old word that I am newly playing with) is something I seek where ever I go. It's fundamental to how we want to live as a family and how we want to grow our children; to grow in community, rich in loving friendship and possibility.<br />
And here it was, right at our doorstep, all Summer long.<br />
The cornerstone of each day though has been our trips to the water; mostly to the wharf, sometimes to a beach. Sometimes a 5 minute dip and other times most of the day, with rock pools, kayaking, high jumping and general sand and water fun.<br />
These daily swims is what I think I will remember most about this Summer.<br />
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So here I am back on the blog, somewhere that I do want to be, encouraging families to design the life they dream of living and figuring out how to do it, supporting them to slow down and honor their time with their children and shining some light on growing self-directed learners so that others may grow in confident and claim learning back into the heart of their family and our communities.<br />
This is my passion and the work I attempt to live and I do love to share it, in fellowship.<br />
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-65346183906297315972012-12-11T01:10:00.003-08:002013-02-08T19:09:23.106-08:00a day on the water<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHIJgv-slo9o9YafGfYtuFhrtXhY95aOjYP3szf40pUMzoR4Q_oShR_lIC1K7FcanvzUGnwPTzUCxOtFHpBP4GwJta_4Nz57LiMdwWHQvgiJRKvQkGUBFk6PJYHJx8ork-iQi_C3kA_tOp/s1600/P1110588.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHIJgv-slo9o9YafGfYtuFhrtXhY95aOjYP3szf40pUMzoR4Q_oShR_lIC1K7FcanvzUGnwPTzUCxOtFHpBP4GwJta_4Nz57LiMdwWHQvgiJRKvQkGUBFk6PJYHJx8ork-iQi_C3kA_tOp/s400/P1110588.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqNTSMMJpe0V-JKBSL4DAz5sqrJeHkIiXLnmT9F5niNj92nnvdhZrg3udXjKl1tvqky-gQohL9jExzTOjARctz84dbcys9GDKwqsi0Q4Cg2kIuCV1nw2KR99mcrpd0ucsUJVQirQqt6kli/s1600/P1110592.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqNTSMMJpe0V-JKBSL4DAz5sqrJeHkIiXLnmT9F5niNj92nnvdhZrg3udXjKl1tvqky-gQohL9jExzTOjARctz84dbcys9GDKwqsi0Q4Cg2kIuCV1nw2KR99mcrpd0ucsUJVQirQqt6kli/s400/P1110592.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
* Thank goodness for friends who go to school and who don't mind taking a day off now and again to live a little ;)<br />
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* Thank goodness said friends have raft + gear + a papa who has raft guided more recently than 23 years ago. That is how long it has been for me : \ .</div>
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* Thank goodness for a warm, still, overcast day. Perfect rafting weather.</div>
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* Thank goodness I squeezed into my wetsuit, there certainly was quite a bit of doubt.</div>
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* Thank goodness for our family decision to say "yes" to interesting offers and/or new experiences no matter what else was planned or how long the "to do" list.</div>
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In my early adult years I spent a lot of time on the water, mostly in a kayak, sometimes in rafts. <br />
These were very happy years, full of nature and friends and adventure on many levels.<br />
I loved being back on the water today.<br />
The splash of cool, freshwater on my face, the pull of the current, the slap of the waves.<br />
The squeals and smiles on the girls faces were the bonuses.<br />
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We have arrived home and the girls have crashed.</div>
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I am about to join them.</div>
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<br />Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-60713271626988581212012-12-08T01:58:00.000-08:002012-12-08T14:08:30.394-08:00helpers along the way<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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What a difference community can make.</div>
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For the past ten weeks I have deep in grief for <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/10/my-dear-mum.html">my mum</a>. </div>
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Each day I have walked with her <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/11/for-now.html">right next to me</a> (figuritively speaking). </div>
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Each day I have shed tears, full of deep sadness for her suffering, regret for decisions I have made and feeling lost and cynical.</div>
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I have been making my way through the <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/11/last-week-was-unexpectedly-difficult.html">gulf of loss</a> and doing exactly what I needed to be doing. </div>
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At times I have had to remind myself that "doing something" with such uncomfortable feelings means not doing much but being present with them. </div>
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"Doing something" means walking my days in deep acceptance of this moment in time.</div>
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This has been one of those times that doing nothing was exactly what would eventually move me forward in wellness.</div>
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My mum has died. I want to honour this time in my life.</div>
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Over the years a favourite poem of mine has been "SM" by Alice Walker, especially these two stanzas:</div>
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"I tell you, Chickadee</div>
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I am afraid of people</div>
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who cannot cry</div>
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Tears left unshed</div>
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turn to poison</div>
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in the ducts </div>
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Ask the next soldier you see</div>
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enjoying a massacre</div>
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if this is not so.</div>
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.....................</div>
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Violence does not work</div>
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except for the man</div>
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who pays your salary</div>
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Who knows</div>
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if you could still weep</div>
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you would not take the job.</div>
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So I'm ok with tears and the girls and I have cried and shared stories and remembered and asked questions. </div>
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I have held my girls. The girls have held me.</div>
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It is a recipe for a healing tonic.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtEaEDhazxDafjN99B9_5Dj4zj2MSji902TRoB2V8q_XwZqL0WslGz3OyzJpIMnKoqGr45irAbYGTEOfcmB13ZqxxDcIFd2eiHaYyYGDBcWM3G75hVDLSqazwKTHFZHg03KfDxwCK4asGt/s1600/DSCF2402.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtEaEDhazxDafjN99B9_5Dj4zj2MSji902TRoB2V8q_XwZqL0WslGz3OyzJpIMnKoqGr45irAbYGTEOfcmB13ZqxxDcIFd2eiHaYyYGDBcWM3G75hVDLSqazwKTHFZHg03KfDxwCK4asGt/s400/DSCF2402.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Ruby writes to her Grandma each evening telling her about the day and the girls have also worked on books of their own.</div>
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Ruby began hers one morning; a memoir of the weeks in Wellington after Grandma's death. Sky picked up on the idea and began one of her own. All I have done is provided encouragement and space to get them finished. </div>
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As they write and draw, they make sense of this time for themselves.</div>
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The books are called "In Rememberance of Grandma." Such wee treasures.</div>
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And then there is the sewing the girls have been doing; gifts for cousins from Grandma's fabric stash.</div>
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Fabrics, which Grandma used to make dresses for my sisters and me (uh-hum, 40 years ago), are at long last seeing the light of day again and being sewn into gifts by and for her grandchildren.</div>
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As we sew, we have been weaving her qualities and gifts and love back into our lives and although we feel her absence, our hearts swell with her love.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjdPD5PsI2T4HO16NL66yQLi25kjlWbd079JAFhSK5O73-ijzrVWNuFdkfioKmq4X97U1DzRDfCeMhBboH1zl9kXnWZUWtMgW9TD1lTgbFiKJDGa1IIq7X0SksfbYJDDWTvbZu0E1FrtSy/s1600/DSCF2406.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjdPD5PsI2T4HO16NL66yQLi25kjlWbd079JAFhSK5O73-ijzrVWNuFdkfioKmq4X97U1DzRDfCeMhBboH1zl9kXnWZUWtMgW9TD1lTgbFiKJDGa1IIq7X0SksfbYJDDWTvbZu0E1FrtSy/s400/DSCF2406.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
And then there was the natural learning/unschooling camp last weekend.<br />
At some point on Sunday I remember realising that I had hardly thought of mum. As I filled up on new connections and fun and beauty, the time I spent thinking of her had fleeting.<br />
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Until then, my head had been turned toward the past for ten weeks but hanging out with interesting and connected young people and their families inspired curiosity and rekindled my hope for the future. </div>
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New ideas arose, fresh possibilities were planted and unexpectedly I found myself walking once again with the living.</div>
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Real community makes a difference.</div>
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That weekend something shifted. </div>
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Unknowingly, the community held me and helped me trust once again that life is good.</div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-35849562169161209742012-12-05T19:57:00.001-08:002012-12-08T02:03:19.722-08:00marking the turn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirfispO2o4YYwEjX9cWRo7dnNMN_kOtqZgkEt-k-vNajkeLt7PqKwZBueTVnTjX9S5Z6pmRvUd9Ra1jP_vmKJ1fz6GRmNVbdq56tv4HvG9HjepzKC2UvOTXk6PJlSWku8R8ivabEW-dugV/s1600/DSCF2311.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirfispO2o4YYwEjX9cWRo7dnNMN_kOtqZgkEt-k-vNajkeLt7PqKwZBueTVnTjX9S5Z6pmRvUd9Ra1jP_vmKJ1fz6GRmNVbdq56tv4HvG9HjepzKC2UvOTXk6PJlSWku8R8ivabEW-dugV/s400/DSCF2311.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE0hg6OWiF_qZqTx5b_hF7txclyb3qURkv3t6J051RRPgLRMKajKO0ttpisfQfRDIu0klUUDMJKR3myo-Vn4aMU2aDfYy9g0ORJz4ptIhetjwVagyOhLbkzr9mf9IIGOmvMqMOGzZAaQo8/s1600/DSCF2313.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE0hg6OWiF_qZqTx5b_hF7txclyb3qURkv3t6J051RRPgLRMKajKO0ttpisfQfRDIu0klUUDMJKR3myo-Vn4aMU2aDfYy9g0ORJz4ptIhetjwVagyOhLbkzr9mf9IIGOmvMqMOGzZAaQo8/s400/DSCF2313.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Grab <a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2011/07/our-dear-charlotte.html">baby and baby carrier</a>, a basket and a pair of secateurs.</div>
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Go outside.</div>
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Look around and notice the colours, textures and shapes of your local flowers and foliage.</div>
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Pick and choose.</div>
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Cut and gather.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibveOeMfL14Wi8R_XK8FeGmq-hANNRnz36og7j5b9XZVm11A9jf-Ifa3BUKHsTRSS_-ZVF4UdVYstaoPjkqrpYZq62VJ2yuQPsvOpL0U0O_RW4h0ypXT7zs9SA28Tqwa2tZEXDMaLu1YtC/s1600/P1110584.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibveOeMfL14Wi8R_XK8FeGmq-hANNRnz36og7j5b9XZVm11A9jf-Ifa3BUKHsTRSS_-ZVF4UdVYstaoPjkqrpYZq62VJ2yuQPsvOpL0U0O_RW4h0ypXT7zs9SA28Tqwa2tZEXDMaLu1YtC/s400/P1110584.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Wreaths from last year, looping into another round this year</span></i></div>
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We make wreaths throughout the year, Autumn, <a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2011/06/welcoming-back-spiralling-light.html">in Winter</a>, i<a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2010/09/spring-joy.html">n the Spring</a>, and the Summer as a way of marking the turning of the year and bringing the beauty of the natural world inside.<br />
Beauty brings peace and joy and connects me up.<br />
To lay my eye on beauty in the midst of the creative chaos our home can reflect during the day, can help me avoid a mini-meltdown ;)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_9RWnwcLOnoQ045X_giEHWOejU8IfLObDvNs57Xp6WMCTRBVjxfA7kPh4mzFQp_5MU43OMOIKvvzQPaHYEYx8IrkTr96RB8AUuLRiqOi9nhXTvcWXBetIsKJ2-t4R6IqJOH9GkPiJdnuW/s1600/DSCF2319.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_9RWnwcLOnoQ045X_giEHWOejU8IfLObDvNs57Xp6WMCTRBVjxfA7kPh4mzFQp_5MU43OMOIKvvzQPaHYEYx8IrkTr96RB8AUuLRiqOi9nhXTvcWXBetIsKJ2-t4R6IqJOH9GkPiJdnuW/s400/DSCF2319.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBzK35uuJYNRHRMoXPI92UGT4-nU4qmODpFtet5T11e61vyZW31t28rbnyHQiItFDYwVljLddE7rXQvu1eZL4i9hPoMa6V0zMUzTUtrhhFAPcPH7xwt8IOMgrcscKic-twslb-h7piyz1o/s1600/P1110577.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBzK35uuJYNRHRMoXPI92UGT4-nU4qmODpFtet5T11e61vyZW31t28rbnyHQiItFDYwVljLddE7rXQvu1eZL4i9hPoMa6V0zMUzTUtrhhFAPcPH7xwt8IOMgrcscKic-twslb-h7piyz1o/s400/P1110577.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Spread out, place and bind and mark the beginning of the Christmas season and the lead up to Summer Solstice in nature, at home with your family.<br />
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The best way to begin.Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-90563804570109315482012-12-03T13:43:00.001-08:002012-12-08T02:02:46.108-08:00filling the well<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Last weekend was the first weekend camp with other Canterbury Unschooling families</div>
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(I am uncomfortable with the term "unschooling" but more on that later).</div>
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This idea of weekend gatherings was seeded at the Open Space I ran back in July. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir0RGdxksh8VJaUx4Sb99P2JgRiCU-0WnNufUKiqfFRrahtLEmHlHyaB-TnnPL_nzPiQlr3PBIZiKTWT_cNn1guzvzb3fClFZK7oCtwI7PXhUAQVpBsbkxyA1VpBOSAbV6fTTvxaBlB3Pa/s1600/DSCF2293.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOZBBts7gVYW6-7TAFXTk9toHq26H_nmNVYPqroRBrshQ-QVrqkzLuOr20x0z4-dzqeeP90CvnrJpNVC0IKFGra1yuRky8QyZ3AC_Su5oUuEkSqdJogcn-Rtg9Q0tncGbsiRlZxWKa-o7_/s1600/DSCF2294.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOZBBts7gVYW6-7TAFXTk9toHq26H_nmNVYPqroRBrshQ-QVrqkzLuOr20x0z4-dzqeeP90CvnrJpNVC0IKFGra1yuRky8QyZ3AC_Su5oUuEkSqdJogcn-Rtg9Q0tncGbsiRlZxWKa-o7_/s400/DSCF2294.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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The intention of holding the <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/09/open-space.html">Open Space</a> was to explore ways to grow community with families on a similar path of life-learning as our own. Earlier this year as I was working on bringing into focus the vision for my family, I realised we needed to seek out other self-designing families who wanted to build deeper, long-term relationships with us. I have always been inspired by <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2011/07/what-holds-us-together.html">a vision of a shared community</a> of families to grow our children up within. </div>
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Disconnected nuclear families in the 'burbs seems to be a disease of modern life and not how we imagine humans thrive.</div>
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We are interested in thriving.</div>
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<a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/08/small-actions-big-ideas.html">We connect with where we live</a>, we have <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/05/local-friends.html">friends just down the road </a>and at the same time we want a shared script with others who live without school and who trust their children's ability to learn. It's not that we don't want diversity and uniqueness; a spectrum is energising and healthy, but we need a shared story and a similar horizon for a whole-hearted community to thrive. </div>
And that is what we found during the weekend.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkHV34zytcLMhwodMlh0c7u_a5U0xTNXewdr2cZNTmQt1PUjAKGb7PE576JEuVycjTKEqZv_QZSciiWeufZEV1qinXeySUe49K6mqD8UEpsBDAkUngvuI5GMkaKCTjefKZZotgLb6G3_7M/s1600/DSCF2293.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkHV34zytcLMhwodMlh0c7u_a5U0xTNXewdr2cZNTmQt1PUjAKGb7PE576JEuVycjTKEqZv_QZSciiWeufZEV1qinXeySUe49K6mqD8UEpsBDAkUngvuI5GMkaKCTjefKZZotgLb6G3_7M/s400/DSCF2293.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></div>
For me, it was like drinking from a deep well.<br />
My well had pretty much dried up over the last couple of months. Last weekend we tapped into a source of fresh connection, enough to fill the well.<br />
We have returned tired and inspired.<br />
I have returned with renewed hope after a couple of months where my faith in the goodness of life has been<a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/11/last-week-was-unexpectedly-difficult.html"> sorely tested.</a><br />
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It reminds me that the opportunity to grow community is always open to us and within community we can lean into the love and experience of others, sink into the ease of the common language and feel inspired by other's stories and gifts.<br />
It reminds me that whatever we focus on thrives.<br />
Thank you to those families that were there and are reading :)<br />
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<i>For those in the area, we are planning four of these gatherings next year. Email for details.</i><br />
<i>For those around Aotearoa, we also are in the planning stages of a South Island Unschooling Camp in February 2013. </i><a href="http://www.liveandlearn.co.nz/"><i>Go here for details</i></a><i>, register and get connected.</i>Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-23411734074482506002012-11-23T02:36:00.000-08:002012-12-09T22:09:54.657-08:00coming up for air.Last week was unexpectedly difficult.<br />
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This week feels different but, boy, last week I dragged myself through the days. </div>
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Mostly people wouldn't have noticed. </div>
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Generally I am one of those read-me-like-a-book people. You could say, an easy reader ;), but last week I was working hard at keeping moving, focusing on the small and good to get me through the days.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1ihmh6ND-6fbVIbYalqeFwMvjVHHvPffARfZvHVJZ3vSbLCBMuW4Rspj29VfCR_3XaGcWtcJkxcW0rm4tf0WgPa1EDRmHe1itcTVGUyGUuTTpBnGQUgyBWGKPuF7PDVNEKQ8AjSrBAgyh/s1600/DSCF2210.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1ihmh6ND-6fbVIbYalqeFwMvjVHHvPffARfZvHVJZ3vSbLCBMuW4Rspj29VfCR_3XaGcWtcJkxcW0rm4tf0WgPa1EDRmHe1itcTVGUyGUuTTpBnGQUgyBWGKPuF7PDVNEKQ8AjSrBAgyh/s400/DSCF2210.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/10/my-dear-mum.html">Mum</a> was right near the surface. Reflecting on my mum's life put aspects of my own life into sharp focus especially those habits and patterns that I have inherited.</div>
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This was a little painful and sad.</div>
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Struggle seemed to me to be a companion throughout my mum's life - emotionally, financially and physically.</div>
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When I was growing up just getting through her days, bringing up five girls, going to work and keeping a home was a daily struggle. </div>
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I watched this and then as a young adult I made up my mind I didn't want a bar of my mother's life :( </div>
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Last week I regretted this. </div>
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I regretted feeling I had to fight so hard for my own identity. </div>
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I regretted that I never wanted children earlier. </div>
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Regretted having moved around so much .... yada,yada, yada. </div>
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You get the picture.</div>
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I regretted this all because, you see, from where I am now much of my life reflects the priorities and values in my mum's life. </div>
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All that moving and learning and careering and processing and searching and wanting something different and here I am, right where my mother was, in the heart of my family.</div>
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And I wouldn't want it any other way. </div>
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Sure the details are certainly different but so many of the fundamental values and priorities remain the same. </div>
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In my early 20's I didn't see this coming. <b>Not at all.</b></div>
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Who knew that I would have to travel so far to end up back at the feet of my mother. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw7ualbDvSvKf_BNeT9AZ_Jaw2wX6ho4bOsT4f2qoARQm9d4jInD-9_TJ-scKMepr-cMdRlLxDaXS4xW8esHy2tQW0tmNnkVKwbZ6zLkaqZ17kURXpqvQz5yvGSHaYFGONgkAhIbDZTdeK/s1600/DSCF2211.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw7ualbDvSvKf_BNeT9AZ_Jaw2wX6ho4bOsT4f2qoARQm9d4jInD-9_TJ-scKMepr-cMdRlLxDaXS4xW8esHy2tQW0tmNnkVKwbZ6zLkaqZ17kURXpqvQz5yvGSHaYFGONgkAhIbDZTdeK/s400/DSCF2211.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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So why am I writing about this now?<br />
Well, partly to be authentic (as in the subtitle of my blog) here in on this blog without wanting to share it all.<br />
I'd be happy to share all over a cuppa but in such a public place I'll keep it to the bare bones;)<br />
I'm also writing about it now because this week I still feel I'm just coming up for air.<br />
Do you ever feel like that?</div>
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This week all I have tried to do each day is love my girls well. </div>
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That's it.</div>
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To hear them. To notice what they engaged with. To be present.</div>
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I also wanted to notice my reactions, my impatience and my expectations. Notice them and do my best to let them go.</div>
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Last week got a bit messy - we had our share of grumpiness, ranting about the housework and some yelling. It wasn't getting us anywhere we want to be going,</div>
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So this week I pulled my focus in small and tight. </div>
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It's all I could manage and was the most important thing I could think of to do.</div>
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When things get messy tend to the relationships.<br />
Love the girls well.</div>
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The garden grounded us, walks connected us, read-alouds slowed us down and cuddles filled us up.</div>
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Joy feels like she's returning, we are welcoming her arrival.</div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-78378004869237254892012-11-17T19:30:00.001-08:002012-11-17T19:30:11.160-08:00elderflower time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Right now when we go anywhere in the car or by foot the girls call out each time they see an elder tree laden with flowers.<br />
They know November is elderflower season here and that means a few batches of elderflower cordial to see us through to next year.<br />
The recipe I use is<a href="http://lyttel-town.blogspot.co.nz/2011/11/open-day-at-community-garden.html"> here</a> ( as well as a recipe for elderflower fritters).<br />
Right now I am especially grateful that these annual rituals help me (and the girls) stay rooted in the concrete tasks of daily life while my internal world remains buffeted by ebb and flow of <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/10/my-dear-mum.html">grief</a>.Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-63970367473276784952012-11-12T02:49:00.004-08:002012-11-12T02:50:16.550-08:00fishing, of sorts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It was Gunter's idea to get up up early Sunday morning to go fishing.</div>
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We got up at 5.30am to a stunning morning.</div>
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I walked into the kitchen to Gunter hacking into a lump of frozen chicken meat - apparently he thought it was frozen fish and planned to use it as bait!</div>
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Rather than try to entice the fish with chopped chicken we chose to search for sea worms. </div>
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We enjoyed the mud, the rising sun and the birds but had no luck on sea worms.</div>
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In the end Gunter thought of trying a mussel from the wharf as bait; an experiment we decided.</div>
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Settling into the happy rituals of preparing to fish, we discovered we had forgotten the all important sinkers :( but soon found a piece of copper and a lead nail in the boot of the car from which we fashioned some.</div>
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The bait kept falling off the hook and lines tangled but holding the fishing rods felt good in their hands and rehearsing the actions seemed to be both serious work and fun.<br />
We headed home before we had had enough, some of us slightly relieved we hadn't caught a fish, aware of the potential difficulty of deciding what to do with it once it was hooked.<br />
Fertile ground for future conversation.<br />
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Our first fishing trip; it's so much more than catching fish;)<br />
<br />Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-33697286372068333162012-11-10T19:14:00.001-08:002012-11-10T19:17:19.690-08:00the spring fair<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yesterday we spent the day at our favourite Spring fair yesterday at the local Steiner School. </div>
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I've been coming to this fair for many years. </div>
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When I was at university I had good friends who had young children and we would sometimes go together and other times I would go by myself, sure to bump into friends there and just for the good vibe.</div>
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At that stage I didn't want to have children - I know, that's another story:) - but I always appreciated the feeling that here was a place that was a sort of sanctuary for children. This sense of a sanctuary wasn't a a precious, holier-than-thou feeling but was reflected in the gentleness of the activities, the homegrown creativity in the stalls and the warmth and openess of the people who were present.<br />
Now, 20 years later, I find myself having come full circle, with young children of my own and still greatly appreciating these same qualities.<br />
<br />Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-45088522478907422132012-11-09T08:54:00.003-08:002012-11-10T19:15:20.472-08:00her seventh<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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While I was away from here Sky turned 7.<br />
For us, seven (rather than 5) seems quite a turning point and a more fitting age to mark the end of the early years of childhood (I have written about this before, <a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2010/08/seven.html">here</a>) and so we like to make their 7th birthday a little extra special.<br />
A little extra special may not look like what a lot of families would call extra special. There is no "buy in" birthday entertainment, we don't do goodie bags, there isn't a long trail of children with endless prearranged activities.<br />
My girls have been to a few of those, they don't enjoy them, they mostly feel disappointed that they don't get to play. I think what they miss is the connection which deep play brings.<br />
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Instead we have our faithful birthday rituals - the poem the night before, the tray, candle and crown in the morning while they wait in bed. </div>
These, I am certain, are the things they will remember about their birthdays - they love them so.<br />
We also spend all day together each year and try to hold the sense of occasion without falling prey to having to fill all the spaces with hype - as with most things, consumerism seems to have ripped the heart out of what a connecting birthday celebration might be.<br />
Being present with each other, feeling loved and having fun are our priorities.<br />
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One of Sky's favourite things is to be making art and so she invited an artist friend to spend the morning with her making art. In the afternoon she had invited her favourite friend for a tea party.<br />
They had prepared for the big day by choosing a few special pieces of recently acquired jewelery of my Nana's the previous day. They also chose their outfits, the serviettes and the tea cups.<br />
The sense of occasion was set.<br />
Her day was a beautiful day.<br />
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A fishing hook was what Sky had repeatedly told me she wanted for her birthday. </div>
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Yes, really, just the one.</div>
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The embarrassing story is that she had got a fishing rod for her 6th birthday but we had never managed to actually go fishing! A whole year and the rods remained dusty and unused. </div>
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No excuses here but we really had no idea where to start. Bait? Hooks? Tides? Dealing with a fish with a hook in it's mouth! We thought that the fishing rod might give us the prod we needed. </div>
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Apparently not.</div>
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And so this year we called on the help of Grandad and when we visited Wellington again last week, Grandad took us fishing.</div>
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Sky was delighted, as was Grandad.</div>
Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-53312569166565679142012-11-08T01:59:00.003-08:002012-12-08T02:00:40.365-08:00for now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If I could have I might have stayed in bed all morning, under the covers, out of sight of the world. The thing is I'm not one to lie in bed; floundering around in my head leaves me feeling worse; like walking through mud with jandals on.<br />
And so I told myself to get up, grab the fork and plant something.<br />
As always my garden is my healer - taking me outside as the world wakes, production and beauty, connection and some work to ground me in the physical.<br />
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Grief isn't always easy to recognise. A flatness, tiredness and feeling generally overwhelmed with my life might be what mine looks like right now.<br />
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Gunter brought out coffee into the garden and we sat on the bench, the rising sun on our backs and drank it together.<br />
Gunter left for work, the girls got up and I brought a pansy and a forget-me-not to the breakfast table to draw in my journal. The girls joined me. Today I began a morning commitment of writing 5 things I am thankful for, right next to the pansy.<br />
Today's list:<br />
> Morning coffee with Gunter.<br />
>My garden.<br />
>A day at home.<br />
>Warmer weather.<br />
>Obama making it in the US election.<br />
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By mid-afternoon I was still only half dressed, my pyjama top still on underneath my gardening jumper and the house was chaotic as I tried to regain order in my life by moving furniture around.<br />
This can become an annoyingly ongoing habit with living in such a small space but right now I might just call it cheap therapy.<br />
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A gift came in the post from a friend today.<br />
On the envelope she had written:<br />
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<i>"Heke iho nga roimata tiaho mai nga whetu arahi mai ki te whenua"</i></div>
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"<i>As the tears fall the stars shine down and lead our waka back to shore.</i>"</div>
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For now, the tears come and they go. That is the way of it. They are a comforting friend who will in due time bring me back home.</div>
Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-5861000266030514752012-10-17T21:08:00.001-07:002012-12-08T01:59:52.786-08:00my dear mum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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I have been away from this space for a while - I don't have much to say right now. </div>
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On the first morning of our holiday I was called and told my dear mum was in ICU with heart failure.</div>
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This was totally unexpected.</div>
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Her five daughters all flew to be with her. I made it and spent the last 4 precious hours with her. </div>
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She died that afternoon. </div>
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We are back home now and the girls and I are learning to weave her loss and her life into our days.</div>
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We are deeply grateful for the freedom that our lifestyle affords us; to deeply honour this time, to feel the fullness of grief and to embrace life with renewed tenderness.</div>
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I will return to post here as I can.</div>
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Parts of a blessing resonating with me right now from "Bless The Space Between Us" by John O'Donohue.<br />
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<u><i>For Grief</i></u></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>When you lose someone you love,</i></div>
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<i>Your life becomes strange,</i></div>
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<i>The ground beneath you gets fragile,</i></div>
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<i>Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;</i></div>
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<i>and some dead echo drags your voice down</i></div>
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<i>Where words have no confidence.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>Your heart has grown heavy with loss;</i></div>
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<i>And though this loss has wounded others too,</i></div>
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<i>No one knows what has been taken from you</i></div>
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<i>When the silence of absence deepens.</i></div>
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<i>......</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>There are days when you wake up happy;</i></div>
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<i>Again in the fullness of life,</i></div>
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<i>Until the moment breaks </i></div>
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<i>And you are thrown back</i></div>
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<i>On the black tide of loss.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>......</i></div>
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<i>Gradually, you will learn acquantance </i></div>
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<i>With the invisible form of your departed;</i></div>
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<i>And when the work of grief is done,</i><br />
<i>The wound of loss will heal</i><br />
<i>And you will have learned </i><br />
<i>To wean your eyes</i><br />
<i>From the gap in the air</i><br />
<i>And be able to enter the hearth</i><br />
<i>In your (heart) where your loved one</i><br />
<i>Has awaited your return</i><br />
<i>All the time.</i></div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-5493286593247047672012-09-26T22:03:00.003-07:002012-09-27T04:31:41.724-07:00working at walking our talk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Teasing out and transforming my own limiting internal dialogue seems to be a fairly constant "friend" on this trip of whole-life learning. </div>
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Choosing to live most of my days with my children since Ruby was born and commiting to a family culture of trust and respect has meant often being confronted by my own limiting beliefs. </div>
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There is nothing like trying your best at raising your family respectfully for having your own limiting views and behaviours reflected straight back at you. </div>
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Staying present and working at designing one's own life leaves little room for distraction from this work it seems.<br />
Thankfully cultivating a culture of trust and respect extends also to the relationship I have with myself. </div>
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You see I was socialised very well. </div>
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With a mum raising her five daughters single-handedly, I internalised very quickly to be a "good girl." I tried my best to please my mum and not add to the already hefty workload.<br />
This skill transferred to bringing me early success at school but being motivated by wanting to be seen as a "good girl" doesn't make for strong foundations. My inner compass was trained outward towards others and this has made for habits that have been ultimately limiting to my own goals and dreams.</div>
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Even now in 2012 not many girls get through their childhoods without at least a little of that "good girl" stuff smeared on them.</div>
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The girls and I have talked about this "good girl" phenomena and early on I asked them to help me notice if that particular piece of empty praise ever passed my lips. </div>
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It did. They reminded me. We laughed.<br />
It was usually when I was tired.</div>
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<br />
We include the children in on these conversations all the time. We try to keep a light heart about our limiting beliefs and behaviours. Laughter helps us see them for what they are - old patterns that pop in unexpectedly like old friends now and again and need to be moved on out.<br />
We make it clear we are not interested in them getting comfortable and staying for a while.<br />
Well that's most of them anyway - there are always those persistent ones.<br />
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Gunter and I are wrestling with our limiting beliefs around earning money once again. We are committed to supporting other currencies as much as possible -<a href="http://watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2010/07/genuine-wealth.html"> our local timebank, bartering and the gift economy</a> - but making money is still the task that imposes a hefty structure on our life.<br />
I know, welcome to the real world:-)<br />
What we are working at is imagining a more diverse income stream, a stream which is not so location dependent and one that can use some of my strengths as well as Gunter's. Don't get me wrong, I love and value the job I do with the girls but we would all love Gunter to be home more.<br />
This feels like a far off dream (neither of us work in IT for instance ;-) but I've had this seed within me for as long as I can remember, I just need to figure out how to germinate it (and if you want some inspiration, go to <a href="http://www.outsideways.com/article/what-work">this post</a> at <a href="http://outsideways.com/">outsideways</a>.)<br />
This also goes hand-in-hand with our wish to be mortgage-free because while we deeply appreciate a sense of home, let's face it, mortgages suck whatever way you look at them. And so we wrestle with figuring out how to have a sense of home without a mortgage or paying someone else's mortgage, aka renting.<br />
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Each day we support the girls to follow their interests and take the work they choose seriously.</div>
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In the long-term we want their childhood to equip them with skills so that they can earn a living from their gifts. </div>
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It is an important part of why we do what we do.<br />
This of course, challenges us, the parents to do the same every day; to find a way to walk our talk and we love that.<br />
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We are off to play for a week with friends. See you when we return.</div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-33389412060526772102012-09-23T22:43:00.000-07:002012-09-23T22:43:18.290-07:00spring equinox<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Friday night we celebrated Spring Equinox.</div>
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Right on the balance of light and dark, halfway between Summer and Winter Solstice.</div>
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I have been impatient for my rise in energy since the first signs of Spring appeared - my own (lack of) energy became magnified as the flamboyance of Spring appeared all around me, particularly in my garden.<br />
I expected to burst forward like bulbs pushing through the earth.<br />
Instead I have been more tired than I have been all Winter. After two months of predawn rising for a joint session of yoga with Gunter, we both went for a slide in energy and perseverance; Gunter with a cold and I with an injured shoulder.<br />
This slide coincided with the entrance of Spring and so I have felt out of kilter with the seasonal shift.<br />
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And then I recognised around the fire on Friday night that this feeling just might be an annual reoccurance.</div>
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Although there is a shift early in Spring, it is more subtle in me than it is in the world around me.</div>
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There are a few little projects germinating in my life right now, but there's really still not much to see for them. </div>
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Seeds for our garden have been sown but are not in full swing yet.</div>
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It is really not until the equinox that I feel the noticeable rise in energy in myself.</div>
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It's always reassuring.</div>
Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-52409335301533210122012-09-14T13:10:00.001-07:002012-09-14T13:13:35.317-07:00being ourselves<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best night and day</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.Never stop. The world needs you. It doesn't need you at a party having read a book about how to appear smart at parties - these books exist, and they're tempting - but resist falling into that trap. The world needs you at the party starting real conversations saying, "I don't know," and being kind."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">- e.e.cummings</span></span></span></div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-756797628421047212012-09-12T13:34:00.001-07:002012-09-12T13:34:58.096-07:00free resources: wire<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We spend very little money on materials here at our place.</div>
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Our house has plenty of open-ended, raw materials and these are used most days and yet most have arrived freely at our doorstep.</div>
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Found objects in nature, gifted supplies from friends who are clearing out or upcycled, repurposed and rescued items all are welcome here. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJDlUsi8kP5dV_ANdpEu9q49weppsnS2PW93D8kr13zGGFDNi715sGuHH9vC5rdS2nkx3aLyccanpGXt4OXm7GdSxlN_i-bztfXo56kterp_i4iEh3-AaJJsKce88mL9eIkl4dG3h_tGZY/s1600/DSCF2091.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJDlUsi8kP5dV_ANdpEu9q49weppsnS2PW93D8kr13zGGFDNi715sGuHH9vC5rdS2nkx3aLyccanpGXt4OXm7GdSxlN_i-bztfXo56kterp_i4iEh3-AaJJsKce88mL9eIkl4dG3h_tGZY/s400/DSCF2091.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Engaging with the creative process doesn't need to be expensive or even, truth be told, part of your budget. </div>
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You could spend a bomb - you know those shops full of prefabricated craft supplies and prepackaged "craft projects". They all cost money and apart from their questionable manufacturing and how far they have travelled to arrive on the shop shelf, the step-by-step style of many of them seems a bit of drain. </div>
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Yep, go ahead and fill some time but don't expect to explore any new territory. </div>
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Just saying.</div>
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Developing an eye for spotting possibilities takes time. Checking out my nana's fabric stash, repurposing cardboard packaging and regularly going through Gunter's wood scrap bin have been particularly fruitful places to forage. </div>
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These free materials give us a sense of abundance that is necessary in exploring new ideas - if you are always saving the stuff for a "better, more important " project, nothing will get made. Trust me, I know, this was part of my childhood story.</div>
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All that said, clutter does nothng for my creative flow nor my peace of mind. </div>
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With all this foraging of materials, I can't deny that I have had to become pretty proficient at knowing what to keep and what to move on out. We live small so it's grown into quite an art in itself :-)</div>
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A material we have only recently begun to explore has been electrical cabling. Who knew that cabling was an essential part of a studio? Not me. But I had read a few posts a while back <a href="http://project-based-homeschooling.com/camp-creek-blog/art-lesson-wire-sculpture-part-1">(here</a>, <a href="http://project-based-homeschooling.com/camp-creek-blog/working-wire">here</a> and <a href="http://project-based-homeschooling.com/camp-creek-blog/adventures-wire-continue">here</a>) and been inspired and then a friend passed a pile of the stuff on to us. She had used it in some <a href="http://bethere.co.nz/arts/2009/3476-carousel-flora-christmas-floral-wreath-workshops">local floristry work</a>, using the copper wire inside the plastic to bind wreaths and was clearing out.<br />
And so the exploring has begun.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJg62laN26pRJMGBoVXgoSKttF0Xbdraw6c-6Q4fyARqEaGnSDrxL93TquC-10yrNzVUQHqj_iKrKTCi2JSBB8vQFhwt2FyApV1uZKXKwznqHwYBcN-0LAQ7TgcM4WUTxMnoy5Vg39PgPO/s1600/P1110353.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJg62laN26pRJMGBoVXgoSKttF0Xbdraw6c-6Q4fyARqEaGnSDrxL93TquC-10yrNzVUQHqj_iKrKTCi2JSBB8vQFhwt2FyApV1uZKXKwznqHwYBcN-0LAQ7TgcM4WUTxMnoy5Vg39PgPO/s400/P1110353.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
The colours, the different grades, tying options, mounting possibilities, combinations of materials are all areas being worked. <br />
I have visions of floating ships through our living room but for now Ruby and Sky has other plans.<br />
Perhaps I'll sit and explore some wire myself.Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-41901507028195573642012-09-10T17:09:00.000-07:002012-09-18T21:20:16.530-07:00it's up to us.<div style="text-align: center;">
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Saturday was our <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/08/small-actions-big-ideas.html">open space hui</a> for unschooling/child-directed/whole life learning families, here in Christchurch.</div>
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I know, the title was a bit of a mouthful but language is important. Rather than create barriers for families, I wanted the words to be the bridge which allowed the right people to come together.<br />
So the title was wordy and the people came - nearly 30 families were represented. Who knew so many local families would resonate with those particular words?</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeMBqHxdG4l8uA2AwFSDOYzimvjA1FO7xI7I3ItVYdFhZsSIkYx3daCIC8_RVHDtUn6aQp_fax7KEExWJHwkeZoWxQfIbZdhD-llcGaHE7Vli_ScQPmd-Dyt44g4XukuG07jmKK3GQq98r/s1600/DSCF2070.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeMBqHxdG4l8uA2AwFSDOYzimvjA1FO7xI7I3ItVYdFhZsSIkYx3daCIC8_RVHDtUn6aQp_fax7KEExWJHwkeZoWxQfIbZdhD-llcGaHE7Vli_ScQPmd-Dyt44g4XukuG07jmKK3GQq98r/s400/DSCF2070.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></div>
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On reflection, what strikes me the most is how <b>community helps us to move from "surviving" into a place where "thriving" feels possible.</b> </div>
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Where the vision we have imagined is reflected back to us by others who share a similar vision.</div>
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Where we feel inspired and motivated to take further steps towards making our own dreams reality.</div>
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Where we drink from the strength of those who have gone before us - their experience and their empathy.</div>
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Where we can sink back a little into the support and love of others, who understand similar doubts and fears.</div>
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And so the Open Space feels like a beginning.</div>
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That in itself is enough for me - beginnings are so often full of hope and promise.</div>
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I'm keen to see where the ideas will go and what will evolve.</div>
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As with most things, it's up to us. </div>
Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-91224707724177036072012-09-06T03:11:00.000-07:002012-09-06T03:11:43.521-07:00thursday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Art just keeps happening at our house. </div>
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The days trot by, the seasons shift, the moods swing and always there are materials beckoning to be used and hands configuring something.<br />
We live in a very small home but I have aways worked hard at creating a space where materials can be easily accessed and used. There are sacrifices - we all share the same sleeping space so as we can have a room dedicated to creating. We figure sleeping doesn't need to be a space sink.</div>
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So the girls get their hands on the different materials regularly and the more they experiment, the more they push the material to discover it's possibilities and learn it's limitations.</div>
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What is key is the time we have to do this - time to revisit a project after letting it lie for a while, time to get frustrated, time to get bored, time follow an urge. Time is what we are wealthy in relative to most of our community.</div>
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I notice my <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/02/there-are-tufts-of-carded-wool-and.html">growing ease with different materials</a> - this has all happened in my adult years. Even though I had little opportunity to explore with materials in my childhood home, every day is an opportunity to begin.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgUio-otvXvor5vi39590Wv8Dr5uQyPl41yNkUuMtuQ61chX34nhIKea-nYeGpr553z2HrUA2Z5RaNdNEKwnGf97LAd3dQETtRvh-7ZxBSJoybRpSLENTWOpOzHhga7cv-cTxS5ZuNoPF4/s1600/DSCF2063.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgUio-otvXvor5vi39590Wv8Dr5uQyPl41yNkUuMtuQ61chX34nhIKea-nYeGpr553z2HrUA2Z5RaNdNEKwnGf97LAd3dQETtRvh-7ZxBSJoybRpSLENTWOpOzHhga7cv-cTxS5ZuNoPF4/s400/DSCF2063.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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So art just keeps happening.</div>
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That is art with a small "a" - expressing a feeling, problem solving, representing a series of ideas, just seeing where something goes.</div>
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In fact, it occurs to me that art is like a native language to young people if the environment is one which allows access to a range of materials and encourages exploration. The Reggio Emilia approach talks about <a href="http://project-based-homeschooling.com/camp-creek-blog/hundred-languages">"the hundred languages."</a></div>
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The girls learn what they need as they engage with limitations and possibilities of different materials. At this stage they don't need a teacher telling them "how" to do art, they are learning that themselves as they make art each day. </div>
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Rather they enjoy and are inspired by environments full of artful projects and talking to artists about what they are doing - this all leads them back to their own work table and their own projects.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaIc4GEaoFH8zikw-8J2IEPgcSgyVAWhZxVnbhtSiVT8yqO8HSALY4aOCINo8d-adtFSGPULd-Kebux3xwZDoIgtTSVNIFKSfP5MG1upeDnaon_e0F8KuewkR0Ejm5Dp3xRL4n3vj0Po6F/s1600/DSCF2087.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaIc4GEaoFH8zikw-8J2IEPgcSgyVAWhZxVnbhtSiVT8yqO8HSALY4aOCINo8d-adtFSGPULd-Kebux3xwZDoIgtTSVNIFKSfP5MG1upeDnaon_e0F8KuewkR0Ejm5Dp3xRL4n3vj0Po6F/s400/DSCF2087.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzIJ1dTFaGcRC4BzaRR-kxiknlDuUwfOpQEZyXkwejgHB7I4E98HcdsQKGIKXNdo_hAWhIGB5keGzC6QQiYuo3N_GV_HKgFfPWfyd1nbaeOLC-tZ4CdMmz8sPxMjcEyaBjDOF1XDUEUBpC/s1600/DSCF2088.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzIJ1dTFaGcRC4BzaRR-kxiknlDuUwfOpQEZyXkwejgHB7I4E98HcdsQKGIKXNdo_hAWhIGB5keGzC6QQiYuo3N_GV_HKgFfPWfyd1nbaeOLC-tZ4CdMmz8sPxMjcEyaBjDOF1XDUEUBpC/s400/DSCF2088.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Getting on with the things we want to be doing with an open and light-hearted attitude, big on the curiosity, light on the judgement is what the adults in this house are always learning from the girls. </div>
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How blessed we feel to have such good teachers.</div>
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Writing this post, after a while of not writing much at all, has got me thinking of a speech I listened to a while back talking about a similar approach to ones career. I've had it bookmarked for a while.</div>
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I like it and I hope you do too. </div>
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1860123691713702014.post-73456894273174611422012-09-03T03:26:00.000-07:002012-09-18T21:20:47.677-07:00open space<div style="text-align: left;">
Over the weekend I was preparing for the <a href="http://www.watchingkereru.blogspot.co.nz/2012/08/small-actions-big-ideas.html">Open Space hui </a>I'm facilitating in a few days. </div>
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I'm excited. </div>
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There are double the people coming that I had initially optimistically expected.</div>
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I'm looking forward to the conversations that arise and watching what manifests from these conversations.</div>
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(a recent day out tree planting)</div>
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I have attended a couple of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open-space_technology">Open Space hui</a> before and immediately I resonated with the method of engagement and the values that underpin this method. As I have read more in preparation for Saturday I feel excited to have found a form which is organised around the interests and energy of the group, rather than controlled and manipulated by the organising group or facilitator. </div>
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My main role as facilitator is to organise the actual event and then to hold the space for the duration of the gathering. Other than that, the work and energy comes from the people in the room; the power remains in their hands.</div>
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The agenda for the gathering is created from the issues and interests people bring - a comfortable fit for interest-led learners:) </div>
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And there is one law- the law of two feet; essentially the law of self-responsibility.</div>
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As an example, let's say I'm in a group and I'm bored or disengaged then it is expected that I will get up and move to another group where I am interested and willing to contribute. The other option is to take a break. </div>
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Again, the law of two feet seems a perfect fit for room full of self-directed learners.</div>
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On a loose page of scribbled notes and doodles is a quote I scrawled down while reading <a href="http://books.google.co.nz/books/about/Open_Space_Technology.html?id=P8IBob_BHD8C&redir_esc=y">the book</a>.<br />
It's been blinking at me now and again as I check numbers and tick off tasks.<br />
In the book it is referring to the important reason why participation is totally voluntary in an Open Space event.<br />
Personally, the weight of the words has me thinking of our relationships with children and our modern education system:<br />
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<i><b>"Forcing somebody to enter into an experience for which they are neither ready</b></i></div>
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<i><b>nor willing is tantamount to a criminal act." - Harrison Owen.</b></i><br />
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Jacindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07095835784771042370noreply@blogger.com0